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BEING an adult ASPERGER, a husband and a dad, whose one of the children is also Asperger

  • Health : Autism
  • Europe : France
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From AUTISME PACA the May 20, 2014

Testimony of an adult with Asperger Syndrome, who is also the father of a teenager Asperger's and a 'typical' child and a husband. The adult who is also the founder of the Autism PACA association. Subject: Raise you awareness of the feeling of your Aspergers children

Subject: Raise you awareness of the feelings of your children

"The world is not suitable for me, this is not me who am different, is other that I do not understand."

I analyze all situations, it is as if my brain had to digest each information (intellectualize his felt and save the appropriate social response), sometimes for a week, I can cut data from the past and reconcile with current data, sometimes insignificant details (this is called the long memory
event term), which seems difficult to others.

Child I was terrible until 6 years after I internalized everything, told me he is serious and likes to be alone, what was wrong (but the relationship is difficult) I needed a huge love, sport and music was my balance.

Sometimes being abused by my naiveté and my desire, and my need to believe in friendship, and is used by me.(It is easy then to say that it is the fault of spray!)
Often my brain revving and at night I can't sleep, because it works without stopping, he is my son, who at the ready Word expresses the same thing, to my astonishment, it looks like a mirror!

I have a Manichean worldview, everything is black or white, the grey I hate!
I conceive the world as a chivalrous quest where you must serve a just cause, and I am always disappointed by others, as always they end up by looking at their personal interest and projects on me their careerism, cannot understand my
total selflessness; I also often refuses to prestige functions or resigns
of those that I accepted when I me meet my purist goals are not shared!

I than others in certain areas, but I'm limited in others.
My operation is slower than the others (only) when I decode before assimilate my actions, my words, my thoughts!

Otherwise my brain is faster (a paradox) and it never ceases to operate, others appear to me sometimes too "soft", unresponsive.

My body is stiff, and my muscles stiffen often sometimes up to injury especially the night.

The change is a source of disturbance, I prepare myself for each event to defeat.
I'm hypersensitive and hyper-anxieux, but others did not, show low is a non master of the world and a placing in danger, especially as this world is often ruthless.

I show a face adapted to situations, it is not natural, I must be an actor permanently...(I think that's ca behavioral therapy) and it is exhausting, all request
more effort, because it has the same difficulty as you, but adds the cognitive difficulty.


Sometimes my child neurotypique afraid of my face hard and expressionless, and when I see in those eyes of anxiety, I smile to reassure him.

It looks like it tries to read my soul (at the bottom of the eyes) and that he looks that I am really.
I compensate by doing work on myself to say that I love him.
I need to be efficient otherwise I feel less than nothing.

I do not always correctly read my relationships with others, but I have a very extensive non-verbal things perception and a sense of innate duty.
I feel the negative of the people and the things we think sometimes even if the person is very far.

I recognize things that are beyond the looks of others, by an analytical look of what I see.
I can force myself to look in the eye but it is difficult, I generally prefer to watch aside (I know now that is called this peripheral vision), why?

It's simple, is a too strong intensity, and then it is afraid that we read in us, but also
It is difficult to concentrate on the conversation and gaze at the same time earning me in general "but you hear me?", and then surprise the interlocutor because I can repeat it Word for word what he said.»

Sometimes I'm too absorbed in a task and then yes I do even seen you, or even understood, I can't do two things at the same time.


There are moments of absence, indenting facing an overstimulation or a hostile environment (noise, light, stress etc.), this requires a moment of isolation to restructure it.

Adolescence is a critical period, because one feels no, and we don't understand the "signals"and the feminine behaviour. "

Seduction is subtle but a spray that made a long journey on memeapprend him, and a man to look indifferent and faithful that seduces.
The mockery "abyss us", behaviour "grey"others if they were given our confidence destroyed us. "
My wife understands me and always knew that I was different, it's the only that did me never betray, not grey! (message of hope to other aspergers!)
It is noted that when an asperger child spray it is hard because it adds a stress
and an additional anxiety and fear of the future for her child
(where if harmful unpredictability for us).

On a life work is difficult, because sometimes in some functions can be more efficient than others, but relationship problems are inevitable on the duration, the truths are not good to say, and
the comedian to be compliant and even sometimes with prestige to the expectations of the workplace, is exhausting.

I made myself my diagnosis "asperger «but asking me if I was me ideas and planned the handicap of my son on me, I asked the advice of a professional of the topic»
child psychiatrist (I had 35 years), which confirmed without detour, surprised my lucid I was 2 ° father he met who made this journey, and it was so that the fact that I am asperger was
obvious then that person had never had the idea that I was surprised!


Then later (09 years after), very late I am confirmed (my initial diagnosis) my Asperger Syndrome with marked "superior normal Intelligence by an expert recognised and I decided to reveal my difference, to testify."

I also noticed that the Hypo aspergers (and not Hyper like me) its totally different from me, aspergers women do not even talk, they are very different from us
and even more complicated in their operations than neurotypical women.
I do not think that the world will become as beautiful feeling that I see it in my head, also I often create a parallel world.

Aspergers who are unable to understand where to express their feelings are reassured, I had to engage in introspection of several years and put my intellectual capacity fully to this action services to understand!
"Understand it is the keyword and it will be the final word"

Author: Jean-Marc Bonifay-adult Asperger - Papa a teenager Asperger's and a 'classic' child and founding President of the association autism PACA and administrator of the NGO defeat autism

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Canonical language : French
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